he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
