I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
