At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
