You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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