Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I love you.
Bad choice
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
