That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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