At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
