it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
high people should be assigned attendants
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
