you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
