Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
