I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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