He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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