And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
