Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
