So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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