I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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