did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
