I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
