Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
