That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
