Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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