my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
