First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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