you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
