i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize