i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
