I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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