nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
