Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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