Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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