The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
