I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
whose parrot is this?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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