Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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