you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
