just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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