i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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