she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
