The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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