I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize