I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
