My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
