I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
