Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hippo gnu deer
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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