you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
