batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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