ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
