Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
