we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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