WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
