Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
