Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
