I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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