Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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