let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
honey bunches of taint.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
