based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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