I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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