***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize