In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
