never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
