i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
