I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
