My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
