Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
