Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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