It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
