we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
