My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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