I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
